running with scissors

Dear Branston,

Ok, so we’re going to have this conversation again, are we? Let’s recap.

scissors= not a cat toy

no, not even if they’re very small scissors = not a cat toy

nope, not even the  new pink scissors with polka dots = not a cat toy

no, not even the embroidery scissors in the shape of a birdy = NOT A CAT TOY!!!

One day I am going to have to explain to the vet why my idiot cat chopped his own nose off. DId your mother never tell you not to run with scissors?

Also, whilst we’re on the general subject of things that aren’t cat toys-

Cotton reels = not a cat toy either

skiens of hand dyed wool = also not a cat toy

10 metres of expensive marabou faether trim = definately not a cat toy, in fact I checked with the manufacturers *cough cough* and they said prolonged exposure could bring on, like, death and allergies and stuff

Love and smooches, the monkey


~ by opusanglicanum on December 1, 2011.

9 Responses to “running with scissors”

  1. Oh, but he’s so cute! He could be easily mistaken for a ball of fluffy marabou. XD

  2. he treid that line of logic, too, i told him if he’s so cute he can go find a job and buy his own marabou to mangle

  3. A friend gave me some possum fur nipple covers as a joke b’day present this year. Tommy *loves* fur and feathers. Whenever I wear my vintage-fur trimmed velvet cardigan, he develops sudden affection for my wrists.

    So everytime he shows signs of needing to chew, out comes a nipple warmer! Entirely satisfactory for his needs – he’ll loose interest in any ’embroidery’ tools. I keep big paper bags on hand if Jasper wants to chew- he’s a ‘paper’ boy.

    IE – Been there! Branston, I know you are trying to help, but your little claws aren’t really suited to embroidery. Maybe take up painting? Cats do that!

    • possum fur nipple covers!?!

      those exist?

      branny little mate hobbesy once cam running happily down into the living room with something he’d liberated from the pervy toy drawer, but luckily not whilst we had company

      I get a chocoalte tasting box once a month, and branny thinks the cardboard on top of the chocolate is delvered specially to be scrunched up and thrown for his amusement,

      he really isn’t growing up at all

      • ROTFL – (pervy toy). That must have been funny.

        And yes – I didn’t know what the heck they were either, when presented with them at my b’day lunch, and was a little horrified when I found out -= although they are from NZ where possums are considered a nuisance.
        I tried sticking one to a nipple just for an experiment. It just fell off. So much for that (a glue backing).

        Choccie tasting box once a month? OOOO! Of course Branston needs his part of the treat 🙂

        Tommy is 7 now but he’s still regularly weird. I exchange mails with a couple of friends about ‘the weird thing my cat just did’. Jasper reguarly takes nibbles out of one of my cactus, for instance. It has small rounds of short, brown intensively prickly prickles on it. Do you think that stops him? Nope! There are two semi circular bite holes on the biggest cactus erm, leaf, and he’s working steadily to make them bigger. I’ve discovered cactus and succulents are brilliant for my flat, which doesn’t get direct sunlight, so the place is full of them. He likes this one, tho it’s one of only two that are prickly. I’ve got lots of exotic ones- I have a friend that grows them.

        I’ve put the boots on my Amazon wishlist. I used to have ‘witchy’ boots, which are the same shape, and I really miss them. I used to live in stilettoe boots (the Goth thing) but I can’t use them with the cane, so I gave them all to my favourite carer who is a metalhead. She’s scored a lot of my jewellery as well – I’m totally over bats and spiders – I prefer vintage jewellery these days.

      • choc tasting box can be abit hit and miss to be honest. Its supposed to be all dark (I hate milk) but they keep sneaking milk one in by slipping a thin veneer of dark over them, which is just cheating.

        You’d get on well with gareth, he grows a million wierd cacti (I once accused him of growing his own phallic symbols) palms, and carniverous plants, he deos love carniverous plants

        I dont think theres any such thing as a normal cat – branstons a complete drama queen and hobbes try to steal herbal teabags from steaming hot tea

  4. Have you read the book “Running with Scissors”, btw? Excellent.

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