Gratuitous kitten spam

We brought trouble home yesterday afternoon. Madeline, his breeder, was worried he’d be traumatised by his first day away from home.

his reaction so far is pretty much “Madeline who…?”


He wieghs in at 2.1 kilos at twelve weeks, and is officially the biggest kitten Madeline has ever bred.

we showed him to branston whilst he was still in the carrier, as soon as we walked through the door. Obviously branston hissed, then had a good sniff before we took trouble away. Every other cat I’ve ever had has only hissed in extremis, but branston hisses conversationally, it’s his way of saying “WTF…?”, which to be honest is a perfectly reasonable reaction to a kitten.

Gareth took trouble up to the bedroom until dinner, and they had a nap. (Trouble screamed that he was being kidnapped on the way home, but after five minutes fell asleep)


At dinner time we didn’t want to leave the little one all alone until bedtime, so we stuck him in a dog crate on the living room floor so branston could get a good look at him without the potential to hurt him. Trouble howled his little head off whilst branston sat next to him making comforting chirruping noises, so after about fifteen minutes we gave up and opened cage door. This allowed to watch orphan black in peace whilst the kitten explored the living room, doggedly escorted by a chirruping branston.

we had intended that me and branston would sleep in the spare room until we were sure they were ok together, but last night all four of us slept together. There was a lot of chirruping, until about four am, when branston decided to impress his new protege by showing off a complex piece of performance art using two litter trays as percussion instruments. Trouble definitely got the hang of it because at the appropriate moment he joined in with a loud chorus of, ” jeezus, my eyeballs are melting, bast save me from this terrible stink!” And once Gareth had concluded the piece by getting out bed and scooping the smell, both cats finally came to bed – branston in his usual spot under my chin, and trouble made his first, successful, attempt at chastity cat.

this morning they played on the cat tree whilst we read the papers. Branston decided that it was more important to instruct the newbie in correct health and safety procedures for the adventure playground than to read the Sunday times through his arse like he usually does


Then branston decided he needed some grown up time, so he ripped the temporary door off the hole in the eaves and went to lurk in the dark for an hour. I felt like joining him after I had to fend the kitten off my cooked breakfast.

we have all come downstairs now, and the kitten went beserk with howling when we locked him out of the kitchen to clear up a broken jar. When Gareth came out branston was licking the kittens head. Gareth thinks he was being sweet, but branston insists he was just checking to see if there was anything in there, he says his tests have so far proved inconclusive…

~ by opusanglicanum on March 5, 2017.

26 Responses to “Gratuitous kitten spam”

  1. Has Branston gone soft?

  2. Thanks for my morning laugh. 2kg at 12 weeks! Merciful heavens,it has taken Myst 12 years to go over 2kg. Middle age spread has finally got her over the line. I’m now wondering about whether she really needs the hassle of a youngster for company. I shall follow Branston’s progress with interest.

    • Branston is currently napping on the sofa, were trying to make sure he gets time away from the kitten every day so he doesn’t get too grumpy. Troubles dad is an absolutely huge, muscular cat, easily as big as branston, so it’s looking as if the kitten is his fathers son

  3. ‘Chastity Cat’ is perfect. Thank you for a good Sunday morning laugh.

  4. That was fabulous! Made my day!!

  5. Ah, look at him! He is a gorgeous wee man. Glad to hear the introductions went so well! Very funny post, too – and wow, what a cat tree!

    • so far he’s exactly what madeline said – sweet, good natured, greedy, and thick as two short planks

      • Thick? A Bengal? Never. He’s playing you all for a fool 🙂

      • it may be that this one has figured out early that cute but dumb gets you more dreamies (I had a fiendishly intelligent cat called truffles many years ago did exactly that) But Gareth’s previous Bengal, Hobbes, always made me laugh because gareth, having never had a cat before and being a genetic engineer who liked the idea that member of his own profession first bred the Bengal in order to get docile Asian leopard cats to use in the lab, went on and on and on about how someone as intelligent as himself wouldn’t be able to cope with a thickie puss, so chose a Bengal because they’re oh so very very smart.

        and omg, hobbes was one of the stupidest cats I’ve ever known. lights on, no one home…

      • Wow. I make fun of our Siamese because he has the TINIEST head and it doesn’t seem to hold much beyond worrying where the dog is. But even he learned to push open a door (okay it took him five years).
        Our kitten Lumi watches everything we do. He worries me sometimes. Just whyyyy does he want to see how a lawnmower works? What is he planning?
        He figured out right away that if he goes behind the TV he gets me to yell at him, and runs to the couch in hopes of playtime.

      • branston is fascinated by Gareth’s woodworking equipment

  6. LOL I had to get a pet fence to separate my two as the kitten saw Taz as his full time play toy and Taz got a bit fed up being pounced on after a while. Cognac (the kitten) was so determined tho, he eventually figured out how to clamber over the fence *sigh* hes started to settle down now at 2+, tho the way Taz was killing the bathmat with his back claws – aged 11 – he still holds his own.

    Its nice to see them get on so quickly – mine were similar but Taz had a sibling so wasnt entirely surprised by another cat in the house. Great that its low fuss for everyone tho.

    2.1 kg is a HUGE kitten.

    • I don’t think a fence would stop trouble, he’s into everything.

      Branston is being very good. I try and put the kitten off my lap when he settles, because branston would get very jealous of Hobbes, but so far he’s shown no signs of jealousy, and the little one does mostly favour Gareth. He just wants to be everybodies friend, he’s very sociable.

      Kitten is 2.5 now

  7. Thank you for a good giggle! Chastity cat, indeed!

    • miss pickle used to specialise in chastity cat. Her favourite was to make herself really comfy right in the middle of a pile of naughty things and look extremely disapproving

  8. Nothing wrong with gratuitous kitten spam! I can give you some British Shorthair spam if you want it…

  9. you are hysterical — love your posts and your work! Thank YOU!

  10. Cats are always fun to watch as they interract. Thanks so much for the fun story!

  11. I love the photo of the trouble napping against your chest. Trust and relaxation, already. He is in for a happy, happy life

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